Little Orphan Animals

And an update on Margaritaville

While most rat reports take place in New York City, today’s takes place a little further up the Hudson River - 47 miles up the Hudson, to be exact, in the sleepy town of Peekskill, New York.

My friends and I rode the train up for a day hike one sunny Saturday, and as we explored the town we noticed that something felt… off.

It was eerily quiet, and all of the businesses there were extremely strange. It was as if the town had been set up by aliens who had done some quick preliminary research on humans.

The first odd business we noticed was Mylen Stairs, Inc.

This is a company that sells… stairs? I wasn’t aware that one could buy stairs. Check out this quote from their website:

“Mylen Stair’s history is defined by a spirit of American ingenuity in our engineering and the attitude of a strong work ethic that manifests in the flawless design of each unique stair solution.”

I thought buildings were just built with stairs. Has any Rat Report reader ever had to purchase a stair solution? If so please comment below.

The next bizarre business was called “Inspirational Gift & Things.”

Do they sell many things, but only one gift? If so, what is the gift? What are the things? The sign certainly doesn’t scream “inspirational” to me.

Last but not least, we visited the Thrift Shop for Little Orphan Animals.

This was no ordinary thrift shop; it was filled with shit like crutches, old mismatched plates and silverware, and VHS tapes. It was as if a hoarder had died, and they simply wheeled out the body and hung up the little orphan animal sign. The only difference between this store and a hoarder house was that a group of old women patrolled the store dusting everything in sight, so shoppers stroll through piles of sparkling garbage.

A handwritten sign on the wall read, “Please do not steal. Every time you steal a little orphan animal in our shelter misses out.”

One of my friends found a necklace for $3, but after we learned that the store only accepted cash we had to leave empty-handed and a little orphan animal starved to death that night.

So if you’re ever in Peekskill, New York, be sure to check out these unique local businesses. Except Inspirational Gift & Things; Google says that one is permanently closed.

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In my post about Margaritaville I said I would lock myself in the Margaritaville hotel for a full day if I got 25 likes. Apparently 42 of you want to see me rot in that awful place for 24 hours so I’ll be booking a room. Details coming soon!